Friends Forever

Today I found a paper that I wrote some time ago. It's not dated, but I know exactly when it's from...it's from when I didn't have the friends I have now. Real friends. It's from a time when I dreaded being with those I called "friends." They weren't my friends... I always thought they were, as they were all I had, but now that I have the people I do, I can't help but smile to see the change in me since I wrote this dreadful paper....


I'm in one of my moods. Feelings of sadness overwhelm me at the most inconvenient times. Sometimes I wonder if social situations depress me. When the feelings hit, all at once and so powerfully like a tsunami, all I want to do is stay home and write. Or maybe this is what creativity feels like. After all, I do my best writing when I'm feeling this way. Maybe my creativity is just stubborn: only wanting to make an appearance when I don't have time to cater to it. Or maybe it's just a chain created by my insecurities....

Social Situation -> Insecurity -> Becoming Upset -> Creativity.

If I were a robot that would be the code for programing me to work efficiently.

Friday night boredom, loneliness, having a bad hair day, people who insist upon making nasty comments.... It's all just fuel to the fire of my soul which i must then spill out onto unsuspecting pages.

I've never felt this way with any of my new friends...not once. Why? Because I know they like me for ME. I don't have to do things I don't want to do to make them like me. I don't have to be a bully to fit in with them. I never knew friendship could be so utterly blissful until I found these true friends. I've learned what it means to be a friend, and that "good friends" don't just exist on tv. Every tear, struggle, disappointment and heartache I ever suffered with old friends seems so far away and long ago... almost forgotten until finding this note to myself. But I'm glad I found it. Such a perfect reminder of hard times past, and bringing the revelation of this blessing I've been given... the blessing of true friendships.

All my love to: Angela, Kelli, Kesha, Katie, "Ashley Cousin," Alicia, Ashley, Jason, and Amanda. I love you all...the first true friends I've ever really had.