To My Friend

Dear Beth,

While doing the dishes today I was reminded of when Laura called me when Beth was killed. All she said was "I have some bad news. Beth was killed by a drunk driver last night." I thought she meant you. It was the first time in my life that I felt like I couldn't breathe. Beth, my Beth, was dead. Your memory flooded me with the force of a tsunami and I had to steady myself against the wall. I suddenly remembered having gym with you my freshman year; how you didn't like me, praised the person who accidentally hurt me in gym... and then how one day we were forced to be partners and how we became friends. We walked with me to my locker and opened it for me when, as a freshman, I didn't have the hang of it yet. I felt even worse than the day in gym when you got really sick and I had to go to choir without you. I was scared for you, we all were, but you came into choir, late, but you were there. I was so relieved.

I wanted to cry, but the lack of air wouldn't let me. Somehow I manged out a "What? Beth... Campbell?" I couldn't believe it; I wouldn't. Just when the sky was about to fall down on me Laura said three words that held most of it up. "No, Beth Faulkner." Before the feeling of sorrow for Beth could hit all I felt was relief. I felt so light that at any moment I would be able to fly away on the slightest breeze. You were alive. ALIVE!!!! I was going to see you again; your life had not been ended way too soon. I love you Beth.

Then of course the sadness for Beth set in, but this letter is more about you.

I praised God for your safety. Just the belief of you being dead was enough to kill me...imagine if it was true.

I value you so much. I may not like everything you do, or even the way you treat me sometimes, but I still love you and always will. I'm so proud of you and everything you're doing. There's nothing you can say or do that will make me abandon you. I'll always consider you a friend.

Love,
Jenny

Second Glance

I've started reading Jodi Picoult again. I bought four of her books from Walden's when we closed. I've read them all, it took a whole year to do so, and I vowed to take a year and read other authors. I have been... but I have to go back to Jodi every once in a while. I just can't stay away. I discovered her books at such a time in my life when I really needed them. Her words filled my long lonely days; her stories pulled me into another world and I was able to escape this one... if only for a little while. I've really loved the new books by other authors I have been reading, but I find that, every so often, I need to fall back into the comfort of the books that I adore so much.

Currently reading one of my favorites: Second Glance. Perfect title to begin with because that's literally what I am doing to by beloved Jodi Picoult books.

I'll See You Someday

Someday... and it won't just be in a silly little dream. I dreamed of you last night. She wasn't you really, but she looked just like you; your twin. I think it was my brain's way of reminding me that you haven't crossed it in a while. When I said goodbye to you in the dark school parking lot that summer I thought there would never be a day where I didn't think of you... I was wrong. I haven't thought of you in a really long time. But I haven't forgotten you. I know for certain that I never will. I promise.

You were the best teacher I had ever had up to that point in my life. You weren't just my English/Drama teacher... you were my friend. I remember our long talks after school and how I helped you with papers and such. We talked, we laughed, you protected me from Adam, you were my superhero, my safe place, the best part of school was just coming to your classes. That last year I had three classes a day with you. It was sheer bliss.

I can't remember everything about you anymore. I hate that. It's so trivial that even when someone meant so much to you, you're still able to forget certain things about them. I vaguely remember your walk. I can't remember that pair of earrings you wore quite often that I adored, or what most of our endless chats were about. I remember your voice though. I remember your smile, let it shine on, I remember the safeness I felt with you, how much I trusted you, your laugh; it's the same laugh I adopted for a short period of time. I didn't try to, honestly, it's just that I heard it so much from you it just grew on me... became me. Remember that group trip to see Wicked? We requested that our seats be next to one another. And they were. We had a delightful time. And then... when we got back to the school, we knew that this moment was the last. You wouldn't be coming back next year. That fact alone tore me apart. You hugged me goodbye. So long.

I saw you about a year ago in Walmart. Relentless excitement bubbled within me, and I called out to you. After three incorrect guesses I reminded you of my name. You knew me, but couldn't remember my name...that hurt my feelings. Our reunion was short and slightly awkward. You didn't even look like yourself. Something was different, you had let yourself go... or so it seemed. I don't care anymore that you couldn't remember me so quickly. I still love you. It's impossible for me not too. No matter what, I can't forget that year we had together and if one day you look into my eyes and don't even recall my face it will just be ok. I'll never forget you, and somehow thats good enough for me.

I may not think of you always as I once vowed to do, but I know you will never stop crossing my mind from time to time. My mind simply won't let you sit in one place for too long. You were so special to me, and always will be. Maybe one day our paths will cross once again and you'll see the girl that you helped to shape into what she is today. I miss you and I love you.

I'll be seeing you.