Ruth

I was thinking of Ruth today. My "Nanny." I smile despite the tears that rise in my eyes to even write that name. Memories so good, but so heartbreaking to be away. When she said goodbye to me she held my face in her hands then my body in her arms. I got into my car and was sobbing before I even reached the freeway; big crocodile tears with the vocal moaning people tend to use when they fake cry. I kept crying out her name "Nanny, Nanny," "I want my Nanny." I couldn't control myself...or maybe I just didn't want to. I've never cried so hard in my life. Sometimes, on nights similar to this, I'll be watching t.v or washing the dishes and I'll think of her; I'll think of her smile, her eyes so full of love...the real thing, the way her arms seem to envelop me: protecting me from anything outside of them...and I'll cry. My heart bursts with love and with sorrow.

Tonight was one of those nights. The very second the first tear was about to fall my phone rings. "Nanny Ruth" it says. In that instant tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy before they could even fall. I was excited beyond description. Oh Lord, to hear her voice again... she sounds exactly the same. I closed my eyes and listened to her voice and it was like she was right there with me once again. We talked for an hour; it was nothing short of bliss. We plan to see each other next week. I can't wait...I love my "Nanny." I love you, Ruth.

And oh, I thank God for His love, His kindness, His perfect timing. When I told her I was glad she called she said she just felt like she needed to tonight. That feeling came from God I know it. He gave her her heart too. A heart that loves so fully and without judgment. She makes me feel like a child who just wants to sit on her lap or next to her in a big chair and have her call me honey and pet my hair and talk about things and hold me if I cry. Speaking to her on the phone did wonders for me...for my heart.

I know that tomorrow I'll wake to smiles all over my pillow.